clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

College Hockey, Futurama-stlye

I haven't updated in a couple days, since, to be honest, nothing has happened. Instead of posting anything informative, I figured I'd try for something fun, for me at least. That said, I present to you, the college hockey season, as brought to you through quotes from my favorite TV show, Futurama.


Zapp Branigan: One day a man has everything. The next day he blows up a trillion dollar space station. And the next day he has nothing. It really makes you think.
Kiff: No it doesn’t.

One day a college hockey team has everything. The next day they lose 13 players. The next day they have nothing.

Western Michigan

(Professor Farnsworth holds up a giant pill)
Fry: I can’t swallow that!
Professor: Good news! It’s a suppository.

This season was hard for Western Michigan fans to swallow, and painful because they often had to take it up the you-know-where

Ohio State

Calculon: You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle!
Bender: And now you know why we used the qualifier "practically"

Ok, maybe the Buckeyes aren’t a member of the CCHA’s elite quite yet.


Sergeant: We found this one in a hole lying in a pool of his own cowardice.
Fry: That wasn’t cowardice!

UNO’s first NCAA tournament trip didn’t go as well as one might have hoped.


Fry: I’m not a one-woman kind of guy
Leela: Don’t worry. You’ll be back to zero soon enough

The Parse-Thomas combo couldn’t last forever

St. Cloud State
Bender: Great is ok. But amazing would be great!

As happy as St. Cloud fans were with this season, they’re more excited for what they could do next season. Also, logic has never really been their strongpoint.

North Dakota

Bender: This is the worst kind of discrimination—the kind against me.

Poor North Dakota and their beleaguered mascot.


Kiff: Sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp: Come back when its a catastrophe.

Things looked pretty shaky for a while for Wisconsin. But alas,

Zapp Branigan: If we can hit this bullseye, all the dominos will fall like a house of cards…Checkmate!

Everything seemed to come together for Wisconsin at the end of the season.


Zapp Branigan: Call me cocky, but if there’s alien I can’t kill, I haven’t met him and killed him yet.

The Gophers are known for their cocky attitude.


Zapp: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You'll practice bed making until you can do it in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm actually sleeping in it?
Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping soldier. Not with all the bed making you'll be doing

Rico Blasi’s disciplined coaching style finally paid off for the Miami RedHawks.

Colorado College

Neutral Planet Aid: Sir, it’s a beige alert.
Neutral Planet Chief: If I don’t make it out of here alive, tell me wife…..hello.

Colorado College fans could have used a little more emotion of out coach Scott Owens.


Bender: I was God once.
God: Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.

Denver couldn’t stay at the top forever.